It is quite easy to rattle off a few extracurricular hobbies, events or pastimes you partake in out with your working week. But I would encourage you to think more about the things that you do and take the time to really ask yourself why it is that you do them. My reasoning behind such a statement is that its something that someone suggested I try and I’ll tell you for why.
After a previous relationship I found myself single with a completely open weekend in front of me. It was an exciting but daunting prospect. I knew I didn’t have to fill it but I wanted to consider my options just so I could say that if I literally did the square root of f*** all, I could say that it was my choice and not due to circumstances. Still with me?
Speaking about the situation I realised that the reason I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do was due to the fact I tended to rely on other people’s input on such decisions. That is not to say that these people dictated or decided, and I had no say. The people I refer to, all would have happily gone along with my suggestions and have done when I have been more decisive. I simply sdidn’t have any confidence in this area of my decision making. Preferring to rely on the determining say coming from someone else or the approval of someone else. Guess if it is a s*** idea then it wasn’t 100% my decision and therefore not 100% my fault?
Once again, speaking about the situation, it was reframed to me in a different context. This is a chance to get to know yourself better. Don’t put too much pressure on having a plan and don’t put too much pressure on the plan when you do formulate one. If it truly is a disaster, then you learn more about what you don’t like to do but more importantly if it time well spent then you know better for next time.
More importantly, you know that you enjoyed it because YOU enjoyed it. Not because you place so much value on those around you enjoying themselves that by a result you enjoy it too. Which is no bad thing, but you probably already know that seeing others you care about happy makes you happy or even better fulfilled. But what else fulfils you?
You’re a complex, wonderful creature and above all you are unique. Therefore, I would encourage you to treat yourself uniquely and take the time to find out what truly fulfils you and brings you enjoyment.
If the prospect of planning something new truly fills you with dread at where to start then I will end this with the advice that was given to me. Wake up on your day off and just sit in the peace and ask yourself what do I want to do today? Lots of ideas may or may not come to you. If they do, pay attention to how they make you feel. Is it dread because you just know you won’t enjoy it? Is it intrigue at something new? Is it excitement at the prospect of giving yourself permission to genuinely do he haw? Go with it. Try trusting your gut instinct. See how it goes.
Another tip I was given was, try to experience everything like it is the first time (cue the music video for Foreigner: Feels Like the Very First Time – you know what I mean). Pay attention to every minor detail and how it makes you feel. This can range from eating and drinking to anything you can imagine. It doesn’t have to be PG either. You do you.
Finally, I’ll leave you with my first discovery when trying this to highlight how basic these discoveries can really be. My best mate got me a cafetiere for my birthday. The things a litre in size and insulated, so the coffee doesn’t go cold. I realised that starting my day off with that as I chill on my phone, reading or watching TV is therapeutic and calming to me. It so unbelievably basic and something I had been doing for months before I realised just how much of a relaxing impact it had on me to start my day.
It is now something I also turn to in times of stress at work too. Throughout a busy day of meetings, I find myself with pockets of space where I have my cafetiere full of coffee, working on a task that requires no one else’s input but my own and I have some form of peace.
So, I would encourage you to take time to find out what YOU as a unique individual enjoy and please feel free to share with me just what it is you find. I would truly love to hear about it.
Thanks again for reading,
Lee
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