Admittedly this title is what is wrong with the majority of social media. It is empty words. Have you ever been told one of these statements that offer a similar sort of comfort? “You are doing all the right things.” “What’s for you won’t go by you.” “Everything happens for a reason.” Undeniably at times, these words can offer a lot of comfort. When the right person tells you, “it’s going to be okay,” no more is required to be said. The emptiness of these words is filled by the presence of that special individual that supplied them.
But we are in lockdown. In the middle of a pandemic. With that reassuring presence harder to come by. Even those fortunate enough to be self-isolating with that person may realize that they actually need the reassurance we are craving. How do two people both needing reassurance, reassure each other? (Feel free to supply an answer to this in the comments by the way).
Worse still, you could be isolating alone. Perhaps you feel that the person you want to phone is happy and you don’t want to bring their mood down. After all, negatively impacting how they feel will probably make you feel guilty. At least this is the potential thought process we experience.
However, in my experience, it is easy to think this way but in actual fact, people are waiting for someone else to admit they are struggling because funnily enough, they are too. I know. Crazy. Who'd have thought it?
After all, if you go on social media, your feeds will be abundant with people filming their home workouts or showcasing the routine they learned over 4 hours with their family for Tik Tok. It is great to see the new positive habits people are forming and apart from dog videos, nothing makes me happier than seeing 3 generations of a family doing a Tik Tok routine.
At least it is great to see when I'm in a positive mood but what happens when we have those inevitable moments where we feel, well isolated, to be honest. Perhaps we feel alone, anxious about our jobs, self-conscious, unproductive, missing our families or worried about others going through more than just isolation.
Just because there is a pandemic doesn’t mean other afflictions have taken time off. Loved ones will still be suffering from other diseases and it is okay to feel low because you want to be there for them but can’t. First of all, I’d say, give yourself some credit for being selfless enough to actually be hard on yourself for not being physically there when you literally have no choice. Kudos to you. If that is your attitude then I think it is fair to say that those people you want to be there for, they will know that you want to support them. They will know that if there was any possible way you could be there, you would be and that you still are there. Just for the time being it is over a phone call, FaceTime, skype, or zoom.
There is however the flip side of being so considerate of others. If they are struggling, you may feel that don’t have the right to add more to the mix by “making it about you”. Once again, give yourself credit for being so considerate. As I previously said, these people could be waiting for you to admit you are struggling so that they feel comfortable enough to admit the same.
Another perspective is this, often when you are worried about yourself, it can 1) be nice to realise you are not alone in feeling this way, but also 2) forget about yourself for a period by focusing on someone else. Yup, when we are in our own heads, it can be a really nice escape talking to someone else and getting the chance to be there for them. It may even provide a sense of purpose where there currently may be a lack of one. Well no, you never have a lack of purpose, just sometimes it can be hard to see that purpose when you feel alone.
So by opening up to someone else you are helping them to realise they are not alone and you are also providing a distraction that makes them feel better about themselves for being there for you.
To summarise, it is okay not to be okay. If social media goes from being a positive motivator to that mirror that highlights your shortcomings it may be time to unfollow some pages, temporarily mute some in order to diminish their influence, or better yet take a complete break from social media. I'd say leave the phone at home but you're going to need it for when you speak to your friends and family, opening that dialogue which allows you all to realise that you're not the only one struggling. That in itself is comforting to know.
Finally, now we have quietened the eternal, maybe take some time to focus on the internal? Away from the influence of what others are doing, what is it you want to do and why is it that you want to do it? It is a really simple thing but this is the same technique I use at work when trying to identify ways people can increase their exercise. It is very easy to highlight the benefits of going to the gym or running, etc, but how likely is someone to stick to that if they don’t actually want to do it? Take the time to identify what you want to do and why you want to do it because although it is okay not to be okay. It is important that we do not let that feeling become too familiar. But move away from it on your terms, not the pressures depicted by social media.
As Frodo once said, “I wish the coronavirus had never spread. I wish none of this had happened,” but Gandalf insightfully responded, “so do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”
Thanks for taking the time to read this post. If the content hasn't helped in any way then I hope that the dog pictures have.
Lee
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